Just another snake of a father. It’s amusing how harsh that sounds. Better yet, how accurate that sounds. It has a nice ring to it. It falls off my tongue with sincerity. Last night, you put over 100,000$ dollars in my hands. Now what? Do I take the money and run? Allow you to go to jail for never being apart of my life? Punishment? Do I let you off easy, while I’m struggling with a car that doesn’t drive half the time, and doesn’t have enough money for college… I never knew how difficult it was to be an adult. Your shpeel touched my heart unfortunately. I don’t want to be responsible for you going to jail just so I can receive money. However, you were supposed to take care of me. You were supposed to be my father. Because of this, you owe me that.
Ugh. To be continued.
I live in Phoenix, and it did NOT look like that…:(Eclipse, seen through the smoke of the wildfires near Sunset Point, just north of Phoenix, Arizona.
(Source: ikenbot, via bodymindandrooh)
who will you drop everything else for…if not the one you love?
I’m in such a strange mood this evening. I awoke sobbing because of a nightmare that I cannot visually remember; however, I can recall the emotion attached to it perfectly. It was a plethora of negativity. Regret, forgotten, vengeful, afraid, lost. Why? I assumed my life was rebuilding itself because of my choice. There have been a few lines I’ve rehearsed in my head, and have repeatedly coached myself with. Seeing how much of an emotional change I’ve felt within, I assume it’s working. So, what’s the problem here? I feel fine. Other than my car problems, I’ve learned to accept what God has given to me. I’ve learned that I too can have a life outside of my relationships. I’ve taken my tight hold on Mario, and let it go. So, what is going on? What is wrong? Why do I seem to be withering away when I close my eyes? Darkness enters. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to feel this again.
I can’t remember
I feel open. I feel free from the thoughts in my mind. One day of a different perspective has opened my eyes, my mind, my soul. I am freeing myself from these chains which have been so tightly locked for quite some time now. I feel a bit new.
[video]
The inter workings of my thoughts will be published one day.
It’s 3 am, I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours, and there are people in my living room making as much noise as they possibly can. This is ridiculous. Times like this make me want to move back home. I miss the quiet isolation I once had. I miss my bear cave. I miss controlling the sound. This is so stupid. Since I’m up, might as well vent… You can have your damn friends over all night while I work every damn day just so I have enough rent/electricity money to support us. Have some respect for me, and realize how cranky I’m going to be tomorrow because of you. I have to be to work at 8am to teach a 30(possibly more) person class.
Of course I can’t find headphones or ear plugs. OF COURSE.
No one understands the frustration bleeding from my ears right now.
Instagrammmmmmm: crabcakez
This worldly Life, is just like the ocean and our hearts are the ships. We can use the ocean for our needs and as a means to get our final destination. But the ocean is only that: a means. It is a means for seeking food of the sea. It is a means of travel. It is a means of seeking a higher purpose. But it is something which we only pass through, but we never think to remain in. Imagine what would happen if the ocean became out end-rather than just a means… Eventually, we would drown.
I had a vision. This vision complimented a feeling of joy, of hope. I felt at ease for the first time in months. I know what I need to do in order to to be successful. I’m not going back to the old me. I’m going to transform myself into a new and improved person. I’m ready. I don’t need anyone. I used to not need anyone. I’m not too sure what happened, but I was a lot happier that way. My issue here was the constant want to control the situation, control everything. Fix everything. Change everything. Realizing that I cannot do any of that makes me feel a little less important; however, a weight has been lifted. We exist in this Omniverse, and I’m complaining about something that won’t be present in my mind a year down the line…
Anonymous asked: Good job on becoming a terrorist. ROMNEY 2012!!!
I applaud your stupidity.
Doing Whatever It Is I Do.: Don't Ever Stop [Spoken Word Poem] -
This.When people compliment my work, they always say, “don’t ever stop writing,” and always, I look at them and think, “if only you knew.” If you knew how close to drowning it feels to keep my head above the rise of my words, how many different ways I’ve tried not to write her…
(via love-likeyoulost)
Maybe I’m not crazy…this is actually so true
(via love-likeyoulost)